Remember This

Hey.
I feel kinda sad never updated anything here in so so long period of time. The internet connection at home was super sucks even it has been fixed but it screws still so, anyways, i'm in the middle of my thesis working right now but i just somehow gotten myself so excited about saying something here. Don't worry, dear thesis i'm gonna go back to you as soon as i done this. I'm on my chapter 4 already anyway so please God please give me super mega boom power to get it done as super soon as Your possible way to make it (and oh, my struggle ofcourse). 

Alright. 
Sooo lately i feel so lucky cause i am surrounded with great great inspiring people which they are my friends from exchange youth alumni. It's the second year i am blessed to be a part of them and sharing our learnings and learn and learn. I am not that kind of person who learn (much) by reading, or by watching news or well if i can say, from mass media then. Well, i read newspaper every morning i wake up, i watch news on TV every night before i sleep, the thing is i don't read book that much. Which is everybody knows that book really helps you to grow and to learn things that you want to learn since book are so complete though. But this part about saying books are helping to learn and to grow somehow i found it a bit different in me. I mean, here's the thing. As i told you before that i am currently surrounded by great people, by any means that sharing things and learn from each others experiences are for me, the best learning-effective-not boring-method ever. 

Isn't it?

I mean, here, to communicate is human's way to keep living and to socialize with their surroundings, right? You can read book, you can watch TV, but in the end you will still communicate anyways either way you talk or you communicate non verbally, doesn't matter. But as i said, learning by communicate is the most effective way to learn is because you do it naturally even sometimes you learn without you intend to do it. So it's just like the more you talk, the more you communicate, the more information you can get. And it's obvious. 

So what i want to emphasize here is that don't be afraid to talk, to ask, and to share things that you feel comfortable to share with.

Cause every place is a school and every person is a teacher. 

Have a good day!

It's Good Cause I Choose To Make It That Way ☺

 Today another start has come again..

I woke up this morning and i'm telling myself from the first that today is going to be good. 

Then i started myself smiling.

By that i know that the strongest power in this entire universe is come within,

from you yourself. 

So why not keep the good power burn, every single day? 

XO, Meilia

Things Aren't Quite Like What They Used To Be

♫ Cause this pain i feel it won't go away, and today i'm officially missing you..♫

People come, people go.

Life brings you down, life gets you up.

I rarely talk about love for serious this far cause i just somehow narrowly think that talks about love seems so serious and spoil, and it's all about blue feeling, sadness, heart broken and so on. 

But excuse me this time to talk about it, i wonder what is love actually?

I had a good relationship with a guy that i once made me feel like i could spend everyday with him without feeling bored at all. You know that kind of feeling you feel when you're around someone and you feel like you can be who you are and you can do anything without feeling afraid that he'll leaves you because you do silly things, you look ugly and stupid? I had that. I thought loving is a feeling of being loved unconditionally.

For my own thinking, commitment is not something that we need to make that official. Like, choosing a right date for our anniversary and you will ask will you be mine and i say yes, and we're officially being a couple, that day where we confess our feeling we mark that as our special date. No, i'm not that kind of person. For me, having someone who always be there for me 24 hours/day and having him to love me unconditionally, i love him back in return, for me that's enough. 

But maybe not everyone agree that way.

I had this thing going on nicely until realizing that relationship without commitment is like a dream without goals. It's like walking without direction, just keep going and if it's dead end, then we're dead. As hard as it sounded and so we're indeed dead.

If one person leaves, how could a relationship stays?

Things are never be as easy as a wink when one person left and just like a sudden everythings changing. Life's change, habits that we gotta left behind, everything. 

How come one simple problem could turn to a very dramatical separation? I asked.  

The anwer is yours, either it's mine yet i'm still questioning. Again, commitment that never came out from our mouth? Broken promises, or what? 

One person made me loves and i don't demand, i get hurted but i won't cry. Thought love is fair, it will be nicer in time. True love will find their way. Path. Destiny. God's way. I put my faith with them. 

Positivity, To Read

“When we lose one blessing, another is often most unexpectedly given in its place.”
― C.S. Lewis
  

“The unthankful heart discovers no mercies; but the thankful heart will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings.”
― Henry Ward Beecher 

“Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough”
― Oprah Winfrey

“Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.”
― Mahatma Ghandi

“Always turn a negative situation into a positive situation.”
― Michael Jordan 

“Live your truth. Express your love. Share your enthusiasm. Take action towards your dreams. Walk your talk. Dance and sing to your music. Embrace your blessings. Make today worth remembering.”
― Steve Maraboli

“It makes a big difference in your life when you stay positive.”
― Ellen DeGeneres

How My Zumi Works

I've been so into blogging lately! Since i posted one that tells about expectations, i feel like my i always have something to write/to share (even i actually not :p) but really i just feel like everytime i stay at home and not doing anything i feel like blogging and i'm um, happy for that. Universe knows that i'm not a writer anyway but i just love to wite here. Thought blog is an online diary, isn't it? Well i'm not a diary person thou, so never mind. Okay so since i never took any pictures lately so i decided to upload some pictures that i took in Halifax using my Zumi digital lomo camera. They were actually black and white with a really, really high noise but i did some editing and put them all two in one frame like this. Made it a bit blue-ish too, i kinda like it that way rather than black and white. I like how that little camera works very well with it's lomo colour instantly! Seriously if you like to play with toycam colour or lomo or old colours or high b&w or well, if you wanna play with low saturation, i recommend you to buy it. And it's even smaller than pocket size with it's unique shape and just plain cute. I really do heart it :) Anyway, seeing Tim Hortons on that wall makes me missing my old times sitting there with french vanilla and croissants and bunch of story that flows through every single bite of my croissant. So many good memories with good people that spent at that place. Well, it always feels good to flashback, not cry for the heart that is missing but smile because missing something means that we ever experienced it. It feels right.. :)

As What The Picture Says

I've just reaching back home after leaving a week to see old friends in town. A week of laughter and tears and happiness and sillyness around. Was a really great escape and a really nice feeling to see how 6 months of being separate and never see each other faces didn't change a thing. Thought friendship are strong indeed :) So we were there for a week all gathering with our secret stories to tell and a blanket to share. Feel so lucky have them as a bestfriend. Thinking bout going home was so far from my head yesterday, uh. But assessments are waiting, deadlines are right in front of my head and i really gotta go back home. So i was there, arrived airport already. Sitting all together, taking some polaroid pictures while waiting for my flight. I suppose to enter the terminal at 4.15 pm but i kinda (too) chill and let the other 15 minutes spent at that cafe. So i get in at 4.30, walked like i'm not in a rush, i even went to Beard Papa's to buy some. Then i slowly walked in to the gate, i saw so many people queing then i thought i was okay, i wasn't that late. But then i felt like there's something wrong in this line when i heard people around me were going to another city and surely that's not mine. So i left the line, i asked the officer and i gave her a look on my ticket, she told me.. The airplane has just take off like 10 minutes ago, she asked where i have been. If only she knows that i was there to buy Beard Papa's i'm sure she'll hit me in the head. Then she told me to go downstairs and go to the counter to ask for my reschedule ticket, stupidly i cried walking alone downstairs and asked the officer bout my flight and what should i do with that. Erh! That grumpy man asked me to pay two times more expensive than my previous ticket which already burned and flew. I called mom and told her but my stupidity and asked her to help me fix this stuff. I went out reckelessly, waiting for my mom to call and give me good news. I got flight at 9.40 pm, i relieved. I didn't say much, i just wanna reach my bed. I kept complaining and whining on my mind, putting a grumpy face look and blamimg myself how could i be this stupid. Afterall, i gotta take the lesson instead. But then just to prevent another stupidity happens for twice, i was in the waiting room already at 9 sharp. Waiting alone not doing anything just busy with my phone, waiting.. And the flight got an hour delayed. I was so mad but i'm so tired then i can't even say a thing. Was just sitting silently and waiting for miracle happens but it didn't, but i just keep being mad. Just plain mad. Shortly i arrived home, my driver already waiting at the airport like 2 hours and i didn't even feel bad to him just because i'm too tired and back again i'm mad without any particular reason. I was on the car sitting, the road was so quiet, it was just my car and some other car passes by, some motorcycle, all the stores are closed and just silent. I saw two little girls walking together holding hand and carrying a bag full of garbage on their shoulder. They looked happy, they were laughing like they have no pain, like their life are just great and they feel blessed with it. I shyly looked at myself holding my blackberry, sitting on a nice car, feel safe cause i have my home to live in.. Mine was totally opposite with them but how come i made my life so miserable just because i missed my flight and i got my flight delayed compared to those people who live in the street without roof to protect them, no money to eat, no sandals to walk, no clothes to wear, no clean water, no blackberries, no iphones, no iPads, no toys, no bathroom, no polaroid, no expensive bags, some of them even (perhaps) have no family, no, no, nothing. It makes me sad how myself could narrowly think that whining or complaining might help the feeling or mad or upset or so on. Simply just realize that my life is perfectly blessed by look down a little, appreciate every single thing, do things with compassion and throw away all the negative minds, everything is just right. Happiness come within, bless every single thing. Life is great, God is good. Thank you for slapping me by showing those little amazing girls, God. I should've be blessed every second.. 

As We Grow, We Grow Better

"I wish i could jump higher"

"I wish i had wings to fly"

Wish. Hope. Expectation. 

We all live with our personal expectations that we surely want those expectation happen/going as we expected them to be. I am now standing at that moment when i'm living an expectation that i was thinking this expectation will crazily change my life to the maximum level (if it really happens that way). But you know, wise once said,

"Expectation kills".

"Expect the unexpected".

Have you ever read those words? They were right. We should've told ourselves from the beginning that something might not go as we want them to be and as we human we know that life isn't perfect as a fairytale, so.. Expect the unexpected. I was expecting something that even yesterday i still expecting it to be happen til i realize that i perhaps putting too high expectation and i just too happy for that til again i don't realize that excitement of expecting things might turn into dissapointments. 

Dissapointment.

Pain.

It hurts finding out that things aren't go my way and collapsing those expectation.. I was hurted and cried til i go crazy i couldn't opened my eyes widely cause it was too puffy, i was in my bestfriend's shoulder, i listened to sad songs while driving and i felt like everything just suddenly ruined me. I was on that situation. I was messed. Can't think clearly cause what was on my mind just dissapointment and i keep sadding myself with remembering it over and over again. 

Then i woke up and think. When this going to end? I was silent. I let my dark and brightside fought over my head arguing about this thing. I walked to an empty corner at my house then i was like suddenly being waken up by my soul that she told me bout how precios life to spend angry, upset and unhappiness. So i decided to stop living in anger. 

I moved on.

Til i moved on i realize that when things are hurting, then it's not worth having. But then again i keep telling myself that being hurted, got dissapointed, feeling sad or whatsoever are a part of life and we can't really avoid problems come into our life cause it's actually us making that problem. So instead of get hurt too much and living in sorrow too long, i moved on with lessons i've learned that life comes with no guarantees, so do things and don't regret them.. And, 

As we grow, we grow better. 

-Meilia Gista